Energy Leaks in Relationships

There's a line I've been coming back to for the past year whenever I feel myself about to over-extend: I'm not going to be a “go-to” for people I can't go to. It's not a judgment. It's just a gut-check - a way of holding myself accountable before I reinforce a dynamic that doesn't actually work for me.

This isn't about keeping score or demanding equal effort at every moment, as real life has seasons when someone has less to give. What I'm talking about is the net sum of a relationship over time. How does it feel to be in it? Do you feel resourced or depleted? Seen or overlooked? At ease or chronically managing?

One of the most important things I've come to understand is that a lot of unbalanced dynamics were built together. When you over-function long enough, it becomes the expectation — not because anyone demanded it, but because you reinforced it. You taught people what to expect from you.

When you stop over-giving, there's a strange transitional period where people are still relating to the old version of you. This is where tension shows up — and also where you get the clearest information about which relationships actually have mutual energy, and which ones were built almost entirely on your capacity to carry them.

After interacting with someone, do you feel more like yourself or less? Expanded or contracted? If nothing changed, would you be okay with that? Those questions are worth sitting with and what we’re diving into in this episode.